Last night, Alex and I had a date night at home. We had a wine tasting, we talked—light and deep—, we laughed, we cried from laughing, we reminisced, and we even did some maths (in stories). We connected. We shared thoughts and sides of ourselves that usually don’t come up in daily conversations.
Life after kids takes a huge toll on the couple, and if you let it, it breaks you. It happens so quickly. All it takes is sleep deprivation, more care and patience for the kids and less for each other, giving in the tiredness instead of making an effort to reconnect.
Alex and I have been there when Emily didn’t sleep for 2 years, and what took (and keeps taking) us back is home date nights. No devices, no movies, no work; only music, playing cards, a simple dinner after the kids go to sleep or even just a glass of wine, and each other. It works every time. I highly recommend it.
People always think sex is what suffers the most when you become parents. Well, love is not a given either. Love is hard work, and if you don’t work hard for it, it will fade.
Ingredients for a romantic date at home
- Organise the evening, don't expect it to just happen: decide the day and what to do together.
- Turn off your phones.
- Think of something special to eat/snack together, maybe something you normally don't have with the children: food always helps.
- Possible activities: play cards, look at old photos of a travel, have a wine tasting to learn how to recognise them, cook together, fix something that broke, play a board game, draw with watercolors (it's therapeutic, I swear!)…
- If you argue the day of your date, take it as an opportunity to talk about it with a welcoming attitude and without holding a grudge. Let go!
- Being and having fun together is a form of art: at first it may seem difficult, but keep trying.