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Five things I learnt about marriage

Sep 21, 2015

Today Alex and I have been married for 5 years. And together for eight. I know it because the 21st of September was also our fist date, when Alex “told me out” for lunch (using the supermodel theory of dating—tell, don’t ask), “We should have lunch together,” he said—he had never spoken to me before, he’d just come to the pizzeria and stare silently at me while waiting for his pizza.

Over the years, our relationship has taught me a great deal, but these five things have a special meaning for me, as they required changing deeply as individuals:

  • Respect each other. Not the deep respect that should be at the core of every relationship between two people who share their life. I’m talking about the small things. Alex doesn’t like me saying, "You always do this", because that always is not fair. I don't like him asking, "Are you ready?" when I'm getting ready to leave. In a relationship, it's not easy not to upset each other, but it's respectful to at least try. Always.
  • Hold hands. Contact is powerful. Feeling and seeing the touch of our hands reminds us why we're traveling together on the train of life. Alex and I have a deal: when we argue and realise the situation has escalated, we hold hands, no matter how upset we are at each other or how little we feel like doing it. It’s not a magic wand, but it makes all the difference.
  • Never leave angry. If we have time, we argue—even for hours, until there's no more to say or we've cooled down. If we have to leave to work or to bed, though, we try and work it out before. Sometimes it's more of a pause button, the kind that Marshall and Lily used in "How I Met Your Mother"—we'll likely continue an hour later or on our next argument (which will happen). But in the meanwhile we leave each other with a smile and an "I love you".
  • We're different, let's accept it. I'm a social being, Alex is an introverted. It's a core difference between us that we can't change—and let's face it, wanting things to be different day in and day out is exhausting! But we can accept the difference. So I accept that I'll have to attend most crowded events and night parties by myself, and he accepts that he'll have to be at some of them.
  • Sex has highs and lows, and it's OK. Sex is important, it’s necessary, but we don’t love each other less if I don’t feel sexy for my husband and "reject" him in the ninth month of pregnancy or after a sleepless night. We’re rational people, we are both—yes, even him as a man with ego, needs and blah blah blah—capable of understanding and compromising. And it makes all the difference in our relationship!

After eight years, I still wish the same for us, to grow old and grey together like this couple in my lucky picture.

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The blog

I write mainly about Montessori, parenthood, and multilingualism. Here are some recent posts.

Montessori
One day a few years ago my husband came home and said, "Why don't we put a mattress on the floor in the baby room? It'd be much more natural". "Never" was my reply. That's how our Montessori journey started. Since then we've been living, breathing and applying the philosophy at home day in and day out, starting from ourselves. Because educating children starts from the parents.
An example of how I practice empathy with my kids
How I show empathy to my children
Happy 4th birthday, Emily
Montessori New Year's tradition
Montessori Peace table
Audiobooks of real-life stories for kids
10k on Instagram!
Terrible twos
The organs of the body: workshop for kids
Kids understand if you give them honesty
Living sustainably
Living sustainably for me doesn’t only mean to have a more eco-friendly lifestyle. It means to make decisions that are sustainable for our planet, the people on it, but also for our life, our lifestyle, and our happiness. It means to take any daily chance to evolve and be happier, healthier, kinder, more responsible and more caring human beings—the only sustainable way for a meaningful future.
Face yoga is an act of self love
Why you should wear the same outfit twice on Instagram
The power of creating habits (and why you should do it, even if you then break them!)
Responsible eating is the diet of the future (Would you like to teach it to your kids?)
The power of NOT complaining: can you do it for a whole month?
Clean up your planet, please!
Infographic: 8 steps to switch to cloth nappies (a guide for reluctant parents)
A personal note on happiness
A personal note on social media
A change of life always widens your horizons
New to La Tela?
I’ve prepared collections on various topics that I’ve written over the years. Perhaps you’ll find one that interests you.

Travel

We sold everything to travel the world for two years. We're currently in New Zealand.

Books

In 2020 I wrote 4 books for the Italian collection “Gioca and Impara con il metodo Montessori” curated by Grazia Honegger Fresco. The collection is a project by Il Corriere della Sera and La Gazzetta dello Sport.

We also implemented the workshops of the last 15 volumes of the collection with Oliver and Emily.

Podcast

On my podcast, “Educare con calma”, I talk about various topics, from Montessori to sustainability. Only in Italian!

Jan 15, 2021 • 20m
Come "montessorizzare" la casa per dare indipendenza ai bambini
In questo episodio di Educare con Calma parliamo di come offrire indipendenza in casa attraverso l'ambiente. Vi parlo dell'importanza dell'ambiente (anche nelle scuole Montessori), di quanto sia importante apportare piccoli cambiamenti in casa per dare più indipendenza ai bambini, e anche di come purtroppo questo non sia sufficiente… Questo tema è uno dei primi che avevo in mente di trattare sul podcast… meglio tardi che mai! 🌸 -- Come appoggiare il podcast: Io non faccio pubblicità e non acc...
25
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Montessori in 5': Un metodo per smettere di criticare
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24
Jan 8, 2021 • 31m
Viaggiare a tempo pieno: domande e risposte
In questo episodio di Educare con Calma rispondo alle vostre domande (più ripetute) sul nostro stile di vita di viaggiatori a tempo pieno: perché lo abbiamo scelto, come ci manteniamo, come permettiamo lo sviluppo sociale dei bambini e molto di più. Vi lascio anche alcuni articoli relazionati a ciò di cui parlo nell'episodio: I bambini devono uscire dalla propria zona di comfort  Vuoi un cambiamento nella tua vita? Trova la grotta! Se ti va, lasciami un commento sotto gli articoli per farmi s...
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I update Instagram almost every day to be "close" to my family far away.

Why La Tela di Carlotta?
I dreamed of the name La Tela di Carlotta. One morning I woke up and in my dreams I had created a blog named just like the American novel (Charlotte's Web). Many years and endless ups and downs later, this web of thoughts and stories is my work. It took me a long time to understand what kind of online presence I wanted and today I know: I'm transparent, I show real life, I don't advertise, I only recommend sustainable brands (and not only because they pay me) and I believe in the value of my blog and my courses—because if we don't believe in the value of our work, no one will believe in it for us.
Carlotta
Carlotta dreaming of La Tela
I know! I don't want it to be over yet either.