Happy fourth birthday, my little man!

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My sweet little monkey,

Today you turn four, and there’s something I want to tell you: I have one huge regret in my short life as a mama, and it involves you. When Emily was born, your daddy started being with you more, while I dedicated more time to Emily. It happened very naturally, I was relieved to have help, Emily was happy with me, you were happy with daddy and surprisingly never jealous of your little sister. Win win win win.

But I soon realized that the change had made you shift away from me—it was already too late, you had become 100% daddy’s boy, and I felt like I’d “lost” my little monkey. It hurt me.

In the letter I wrote to you last year for your third birthday, I made you a promise—to be ever-changing and the person you need me to be—and in these 365 days, while doing everything in my power to keep that promise, I learnt so much about you.

I learnt to see the world through your eyes—all of it, feelings, emotions, crisis, relationships, conflicts, especially conflicts. I learnt that you need less words, you talk to me when you have something to tell me. I learnt that when you do talk, it’s my chance to connect and I always try to take it. I learnt that you don’t like me to ask for hugs and kisses, you’ll give them when you feel them. I learnt that your sense of justice is very strong, and to apologize even when I wouldn’t find it necessary—with every “I’m sorry” I learn something new about you. I learnt that your being introverted fades the more confident you become, and I admire you silently as you gain confidence. I learnt that your sensitivity goes so far as to not wanting to eat meat anymore because “I don’t like when people kill animals”. I learnt to love you not the way I want, but the way you need me to. To love you better, not more.

And it’s making all the difference (I know you feel it, too).

The more I learn about you, the better I understand you, the more you let me in, the better I love you, the more we connect, the more I learn about you. I’m loving every bit of it. So here’s this year’s promise: I won’t break this cycle. I’ll keep learning more and more about you, and adapting myself to the amazing person that is developing in front of my eyes. I’ll show you that I can be one of your safe harbors, always, forever and everywhere we go (which might be literally everywhere this year!).

I love you more and more every second.

Happy birthday, my little man.

Mamma


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The woman behind the words

My name is Carlotta, I’m 33 years old, I’m Italian, married to a Finnish guy, and together we raise Oliver (4) and Emily (2) Montessori and multilingual. We’re selling everything to travel the world.

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  1. Che bella dedica 🙂
    Anche noi abbiamo avuto un tragitto analogo, quando è nata la mia seconda bimba, il mio primo bimbo aveva 2 anni e 9 mesi, io ho cercato di essere comunque presente, ma si sa, i primi mesi sono turbolenti e ho dovuto delegare diverse cose che riguardavano lui, e che prima erano momenti nostri, al papà.
    Nel nostro caso lui ne soffriva ma non lo dava a vedere in modo esplicito, e quando ce ne siamo accorti abbiamo fatto di tutto per invertire la rotta, io mi sono sforzata di esserci per lui anche quando la stanchezza mi avrebbe fatto cercare soluzioni alternative.
    Ad esempio, avevo delegato l’addormentamento serale al papà, e siamo tornati sui nostri passi. Per me è complicato, perchè la sera devo prima addormentare la piccola, poi alzarmi (quando vorrei solo crollare) e stendermi con lui per farlo addormentare. Infine alzarmi di nuovo per tornare nel mio letto e gestire i risvegli notturni della piccola.
    Tuttavia, nonostante la grande stanchezza, posso dire che ne abbiamo beneficiato entrambi alla fine, perchè mi mancavano tanto i momenti da sola con lui.

    • Carlotta - March 25, 2019

      CIao Rosalba, come ti capisco! Avrei potuto scrivere io quello che hai scritto tu. Io non sono riuscita a recuperare il momento della nanna perché Oliver vuole solo Alex, ma stiamo recuperando tantissimo la complicità in altri modi: quando Emily fa il suo pisolino giochiamo insieme, leggiamo, e quando alcune volte devo assolutamente lavorare, ricerca quel momento e mi dice “Perché non giochi con me?” e allora lascio tutto e so che lavorerò di notte… ma va bene così!

      Stamattina non è andato a scuola perché non stava bene ieri ed è venuto a correre con me (lui in bici): ha sorriso tutto il tempo, per tutti i 5km, e spesso mi guardava e mi faceva un sorriso immenso… questi momenti non hanno prezzo! ❤️


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