In a previous post I published this photo below and I want to tell you something about it.
I wasn't going to publish it on the blog nor on Instagram, because I look bigger. It looks like I have a flat chest, a bigger belly, a non-existent waistline. I was concerned that people could think that I gained weight.
I wasn't going to publish it because photos stays there forever — like everything else you put on the internet — and I didn't want that photo to define this moment of my life.
This means that I was about to discard a photo of a perfect memory, of the moment when we arrived to this lake in the Hooker Valley after more than 3 hours of hiking with the kids… because I don't like myself.
Since when has a perceived waistline become more important than a real emotion?
So I gave myself a mental slap, and thought about my entire inner journey to accept my new body as a mom. I thought about all the effort to learn to consider exercise and nutrition as aids to my well-being, and not as tools to achieve a number on the scale. I thought about time I stared at myself in the mirror in the past years looking for something I liked — instead of something I hated — just to learn to love myself.
And I decided that no, it won't certainly be photos — precious memories — to make me take a step backwards in my path towards self-acceptance. I want to keep taking steps forward. Because many years from now, when I look at that photo again, I want to have made so much progress that I don't even notice the things I don't like about myself anymore, and I can just focus just on the memory of seeing my first iceberg in New Zealand with my children and crying of joy.
And no, I still don't like myself in that photo, but I'm deciding that it won't define me. I'm evolving, one step at the time.
Tell me what you think
Did you like it? Do you agree or disagree? I'd love to hear from you.