What children need

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We sleep all together in one room. We have done it for a long time, way before we started traveling. People say, kids need to get used to sleep in their room. Kids need to learn to sleep by themselves. Kids need to learn to fall asleep by themselves. I used to be one of those people.

Oliver slept in his own room when he was 4 months old. We practiced sleeping on his own. We practiced falling asleep by himself. We practiced falling asleep without the boob when he woke up at night. We did all I thought Oliver was supposed to do. And he did it all, I was so proud of us and him and our work together.

And then Emily came, and I did the exact same things.

But she didn’t sleep for 20 months. She only fell asleep on the booby. She wanted me close all the time. She slept better with us: still today, she falls asleep in her own bed, and wakes up in our bed. Still today, she falls asleep with her hand on my breast every time she wakes up.

That taught me a lot about what kids need. They don’t need what the old generations tell us they need.

Kids need to be close to their parents. Kids need to feel our presence at all time, for as long as they need. Kids need to be picked up when they cry. Kids need to know we’re right there for them during the day AND at night. Kids need to learn new skills — like falling asleep independently, sleeping through the night or leaving the nappy — when they’re ready.

Oliver was ready very early. Emily is still not. And that’s ok.

Because above all, kids need to be allowed to be themselves, to go at their own pace. They need to feel accepted for who they are. They need to know that we’ll always encourage them; that if they want, we’re there for them and with them at every step of the way.

But our happiness is not their success. Our happiness is their journey—a journey that will bring out the person that is already in them.

“We can teach them new skills, but it is not our job to change them” ~Simone Davies


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The woman behind the words

My name is Carlotta, I’m 33 years old, I’m Italian, married to a Finnish guy, and together we raise Oliver (4) and Emily (2) Montessori and multilingual. We’re selling everything to travel the world.

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  1. Ciao Carlotta, anche stavolta leggo il tuo post e penso che è proprio quello che “è giusto!!!” fare!!
    Ho 2 bimbi proprio come i tuoi e, proprio come i tuoi, hanno tempi diversi e a loro modo crescono insieme ma ognuno x la loro strada!
    Buon viaggio a voi e anche un po’ a noi che, anche se da fermi, siamo sempre in viaggio!!

    • Grazie Jessica! Hai letto il sequel di questo post? Credo sia anche molto importante, quindi se non l’avessi letto, ti invito a farlo. Lo trovi a questo link. Un abbraccio forte 🌸

  2. Ciao Carlotta, anche questa volta ,leggendo il tuo post, mi ritrovo nelle tue parole,in cioè mio penso che sia così. Anche io ho due bimbi,il maschietto di 6 e la femminuccia di 3,e ho vissuto quello di cui parli tu. Ti dirò di più, fino a tre mesi fa allattavo al seno la piccola,poi con una scusa ,sempre per ascoltare gli altri, le ho tolto il latte,ma lei pazientemente ha aspettato che “finisse la bua alle tette” (la mia scusa) per riattaccarsi…una mamma certe cose le sente e sa quando entrambi sono pronti per i cambiamenti e i passaggi da una fase all’altra…il grande invece si addormenta ancora con la mano sulle tette.

    • Grazie per il tuo commento, Valentina! E hai proprio ragione, una mamma certe cose le sente sempre! E per la mano sulle tette… credo che Emily lo farà fino a quando esce di casa 😂 Un abbraccio forte! 🌸

  3. Grazie di tutto Carlotta!

  4. Che bello leggerti! Ti avessi scoperto prima!! Ora i miei figli sono grandi ma ho un nipotino e passo subito il tuo contatto a mia figlia. Grazie grazie grazie

    • Ciao Chiara! Grazie grazie grazie infinite per le tue parole e per condividere il blog con tua figlia (sto cercando di crescere e qualsiasi aiuto è prezioso 💕)! Un abbraccio 🌸


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